as many of u know i am an Agrophobic, with paibcs, Anixtys, Deepression.
my daughter KATRINA had her brian surgery near 16 months ago CANCER,
she was doing better a bit, yesterday she was here took a fall hit her head.
her balance is so off her tinkings not there again, i beat my self up was it me
was it bc i did not get to that trip, all my safe ppl were not here that day, i know ill
guilt my self for her being this way, i can't stand my self at this moment, gawd i
even brike down to poor cowboy ryan in state of panic, and anxity this morning
again, i hate to burden ppl, but i cant see clear its as obstacals, bad events and i
am so frikin lost, i feell as a faliure,i dont want pitty, i just dont know what to do.
i try so hard to hold up this fake ass smile, and behind this comp alone her i cry i
panic i hate my self so much for not being able to help her, nore was there JAN 17/06.
if any of you understand in me , my kids have been all i lived for now grand kids.
but as i feel like a true faliure an idiot , will i ever be able to let go this anger.
i am used to anxiety's panics, house bound , depression, i am not used to feeling
that i did not or can not help her, or any one at this point.
i guss it bolies to self hatred, i really do hate me for having this not being there
wene i should had,thanxs all for letting me vent as an idiot i feel .
ps RYAN ty always for letting me have my frikin attacks, ya do help me i will say it's my own anger hate but you re great .