I forgot again.
I fealt the thought squirm in my brain
like a maggot, felt it burrowing,
awake every sensory.
Feed me the memory.
Plant your jigsaw mouth in my skull.
Plain and simply
this is not who I'm supposed to be.
Fear's been law for so long
that rage feels like therapy.
I want to remember me
without the weight of my dependencies.
The reality is clear to me.
The word of a man is a jar of fucking worms to eternity.
This shit isn't healthy.
Take it from the man who repeatedly,
publicly displays his own lobotomies.
This shit isn't new to me.
I forget every time and will again
until the guilt of its loss fully swallows me.
The thought itself is the enemy,
to remember is to forget me.