So its been a while since I've been here or said something to anyone on this site about my anxiety or how I've been... and in all reality, I've been getting worse and worse. I wish my anxiety was a static thing and once I learned to deal with it one way, that way would work and I could feel normal sometimes, but I fucking can't. Everything in my life is different now, I feel deflated and numb. Sometimes I get worried that one day I'll just be completely unresponsive. I always feel either numb or sad, and frequently I feel like I'm detached from my body.. so strange like I'm about to fall forward and pass out. My creativity and interests have 100% faded away.. I'm supposed to help redecorate my room soon (which is somethign I've wanted to do for a very long time) and now I just cant bring myself to think about it. Its the weirdest thing and I wanna throw up explaining it because I feel like its a sure sign that I'm doomed. Im not enthralled to do anything.. I dont care if we paint it green. She said to order some posters online to put up but when I try to decide on what is me and what I'd like to see up there.. I get strangely dizzy and I just cant put things together in my head now like I used to.. Im so scared, and yet I feel like I dont care. I need help.


but I dont want to tell my mom... I dont even feel right telling my Psychologist because I keep showing up at our sessions saying I'm doing better but I'm not, and I dont wanna make her feel tired of treating me because I dont seem to improve. My mom is more stressed out than ever and whenever I talk to her about things like this she just gets mad at me what all I want is for her to tell me everythign is going to be okay.

I think I'm doomed..