Anger at my self

as many of u know i am an Agrophobic, with paibcs, Anixtys, Deepression.

my daughter KATRINA had her brian surgery near 16 months ago CANCER,

she was doing better a bit, yesterday she was here took a fall hit her head.

her balance is so off her tinkings not there again, i beat my self up was it me

was it bc i did not get to that trip, all my safe ppl were not here that day, i know ill


guilt my self for her being this way, i can't stand my self at this moment, gawd i

even brike down to poor cowboy ryan in state of panic, and anxity this morning

again, i hate to burden ppl, but i cant see clear its as obstacals, bad events and i

am so frikin lost, i feell as a faliure,i dont want pitty, i just dont know what to do.

i try so hard to hold up this fake ass smile, and behind this comp alone her i cry i

panic i hate my self so much for not being able to help her, nore was there JAN 17/06.

if any of you understand in me , my kids have been all i lived for now grand kids.

but as i feel like a true faliure an idiot , will i ever be able to let go this anger.

i am used to anxiety's panics, house bound , depression, i am not used to feeling

that i did not or can not help her, or any one at this point.

i guss it bolies to self hatred, i really do hate me for having this not being there

wene i should had,thanxs all for letting me vent as an idiot i feel .


cheer


ps RYAN ty always for letting me have my frikin attacks, ya do help me i will say it's my own anger hate but you re great .

hey cheer.

we haven't spoken a lot, but i can see you're suffering from what you've written.

i hope you feel better soon, sweetie-pie. Don't lose faith

xxx
Dec

[FLORENCE]

Cheer,,,Oh please hun don't ever blame yourself...we have absolutely no control over these things ...It wouldn't have mattered one way or the other Cheer, it just happened and I am very sorry. You are so wonderful to be able to help others when you yourself are suffering. Bless you Cheer and Bless your daughter. Love You ,,,,FLORENCE

[Jane~BH]

<span style='colorurple'>Please don't go blaming yourself . Like Florence said you have no control over those thing's .
Hope you feel better soon .
Take care x</span>

[dino]

DEAR CHEER
AS EVERYONE ELSE HAS SAID WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DARLING DAUGHTER WAS NOT YOUR FAULT ,CHEER HAVING A SEVERLLY HANDICAPPED SON MYSELF I CAN RELATE A LOT TO WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH
CHEER I AM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS AND WHENEVER YE WANT TO TALK HUN JUST PM ME OK
GOD BLESS YOU CHEER AND GOD BLESS KATRINA
LOVE U LOADS CHEER YOUR NOT A FAILURE ,YOUR NOT AN IDIOT
YOUR A BLOODY AMAZING GREAT PERSON OK AND DONT YE FORGET IT
LOVE DINO
XXXXXXX
AND KATRINA XXX

(((((((((((((((((((MY ONLINE MUM))))))))))))))))))))))))))

CHEER,

First off I want you to know that I love you sooooooooooo much! I think you are an absolutely amazing person. You have helped me through so much you don't even know and I am so not one to ask for help, but you just seem to know, and you know what i'm upset about and you know what to say to me. Your so amazing.

As far as Katrina, she is first off absolutely beautiful!! Like everyone else has said, unfortunately some things are out of our control, you can't be there for everything hun, even though i know you want to be. You really can't beat yourself up over this. What she needs right now is your love and support and i know that you give that to her always. And the other thing she needs you to do i believe...is forgive yourself....because you did nothing wrong Cheer....nothing.

I love you cheer eh?? Know that!! And i'm here if you ever need me...honestly anything!!

You and Katrina are in my heart and my thoughts. Give her a big hug and kiss from me...since she is like my ummmm "online sister"?? u think?? Since ur my online mum??? Maybe i made u smile a little...i hope so....

Hugs and lotsa and lotsa love
~Krista

[jenanne]

Cheery Babe you are such an wonderful person you have helped me and supported me sooo much i cant thank you enough hun love ya.

You and Katrina are always in my thoughts snd as everyone else said what happened was not your fault.

Im ssooo sorry for all the pain you suffer.


Take Care
Love ya
Jenx

TO each one of you THANKYOU SOOOOO MUCH.

for your kind word's your thought's to my KATRINA as well as my self.

day's just get harder, and i really do thanx each one of you for your post.


((((BLUE)))) ty for the card yas like one me own EH xxx

((((DINO)))) day 1 you have suported me and i so loves yas TYxxxxxxx.

((((december))))) you are a sweet heart xxx.

((((FLO)))) i so loves u TYxxxxxxx

((((Jane~HB))))) ty hun so much xxxx

(((jen)))) hun your an angel xxxxxxxx



loves each one of you on this site, your word's have meant so much.

cheer