Well name is Jessie.I am 18 and have been suffering from depression and self harming issues since i was 12. I also am diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I live with my boyfriend and just lost my unborn baby on January 5,2012... I was off my medication due to my pregnancy... But now even though my child is gone I cant find myself able to call and make an appointment to get back on them. sadly I will not tell my boyfriend that my depression is getting to far out of hand... I am scared he will want to take me to the hospital again... my boyfriend was there when i was most in need of help at the age of 16... he helped me quite cutting and stayed with me during the times when i could barley control myself... i love him so much but this time it is different... my baby is gone my boyfriend say that everything will be fine and that we can try again someday... he has also told me to tell him right away if i have thoughts of hurting myself again so he can help me get the help i need... but i don't even know if i want to live any longer so i have not said a word to him about myself starting to cut again... i am not sure why but i NEED the cutting... but i am scared... if he finds out about this... he will have me put back on medication and hospitalized again... i am not sure maybe i should tell him and get the help i need... or maybe i can keep it secret...who knows... maybe someone here on this site can help...