I haven't had a panic attack or needed xanax since the 27th of last month. I was doing really good but for the past two days I feel like I've been standing on the very edge of a deep pit of something very bad and the ground I'm standing on is about to crumble. My nerves are getting worse and they'll be shot if this damn weather doesn't cool down and I can get some decent food.
But what's really bothering me are these damned niggling little thoughts. I probably shouldn't even waste my time thinking about them. I have nothing to go on really, no memories of anything like what I'm suspecting, no way of proving it. I just happen to have symptoms of suffering a dissociative disorder and dissociatives have a nice little habit of repressing memories of things like what caused the damned disorder in the first place. Then there's something an Aunt said about a neighbor months, maybe even years ago in passing.
$#(* hell. I wish I could just have the panic attack and get it over with, days of nerves building up is more exhausting than getting it over in one go. And I can't stop these damned thoughts. I should probably call and see about seeing my therapist earlier to talk about this but there's really nothing to go on. And I'm probably being a coward about it too.
Can't get it out of my head, try watching movies, too hot to read much less write. Damned niggling thoughts have me at a standstill and I thought I was on my way to getting better.